Copyright © 2006 Sticky Pen
Running the back of one hand across my brow to mop free the beads of sweat that were daring to descend down into my eyes and across my face, I thumbed the radio to the AM emergency station with my other.
As I twisted the dial on my 1989 T-bird’s analog radio, I squinted my eyes against the late summer sun bearing down on me through my car’s open roof, as if piercing my vision would in some way help me hear through the static of the distant airwaves. Eventually the transmission caught the station and creaked through my failing speakers clearly enough to be discerned.
Evidently, a dump truck had overturned a few exits up ahead, blocking three of the four westbound lanes. “Great”, I mumbled to myself while turning the radio back to the greatest hits of the 70s station I’d been listening to since I crossed the state line.
I was on my way to Memphis to ‘visit’ my old college roommate. By ‘visit’, of course, I meant to take up residence on his couch until I figured out what the hell to do with this next stage of my life. I’d been fired from the restaurant I’d been washing dishes for in Lexington because the owner caught me getting blown by thefry-cook back in dry storage at the end of my shift. He freaked out and said he didn’t want any sodomites around the food he served his customers. Fuckin’ Bible belt. Everyone around here is so goddamned uptight.
Around me, the fumes of diesel burning away the ozone permeated the air while little mirages of gasoline vapor bounced about between the roar of 18-wheelers’ engines grumbling atop the searing pavement. When Dante was describing his descending levels, I can’t imagine how he overlooked Tennessee interstates in August.
Given the news on the radio, I pretty much figured I was going to be here for a while. I looked around for something to occupy my mind, but apart from the cardboard boxes and bags of clothes heaped up in my backseat, I had nothing of any interest in the car with me. I popped open the glove box to see if maybe there was a stray road map or something of some use to help me navigate my way around this bottle neck. But all I found was a flashlight, a roll of electrician’s tape, and a few Lifestyles condoms that expired about six years ago.
Slamming shut the glove compartment; I cast my eyes to the passenger seat floorboard. There were some greasy fast-food bags and a couple of empty cans and bottles. Just trash. In giving up my search for entertainment, I decided to relent to the moment and just ease my seat my back, close my eyes, and wait it out.
Just as I was easing into a nice state of comfort, slowly baking there under the sun like a brownie under the bulb of an easy-bake oven, I was startled upright by the deafening popping and hissing of the hydraulic brakes of a semi idling to a stop beside me. I gave the driver a quick, disapproving look and he just smiled back and waved in that ‘how ya’ doin’ partner, my name is Earl’ sort of way. I smirked and cast a sardonic little hand flip of a wave back at him, expressing my displeasure at his disturbance.
It was at this moment that I realized I was going to soon need to empty my bladder. I looked around and there was nothing to either side of the road but pine trees for as far as the eye could see. I had managed to work my way into the far right-hand lane when traffic started to jam up, so I figured I could just ease it over into the emergency lane and take a little stroll into the woods if it came to that. But then I figured I would lose my place in line, and god only knew if anyone would ever let me back over.
Scanning the rear-view, I noticed behind me a little old lady in a Buick and in front of me was a white work van with enclosed rear windows. To my left, of course, was our good buddy Earl’s rig. My thoughts turned back to the empty bottles in the floorboard. The only person around me who was even within range to notice was the truck driver beside me, and to be honest, I didn’t really care if some Tennessee trucker saw me pissing in a bottle. It’s not like I was ever coming back to this godforsaken town anyway.
Fumbling once more in the passenger seat floorboard I found an empty wide-mouthed chocolate-and-banana flavored Yoo-Hoo bottle. What could I say? Whenever on a road trip I always get a hankering for Yoo-Hoos and Slim Jims. And dammit, I’m notashamed to admit it.
Twisting off the bottle’s cap, I gave one more quick look around just to make sure I hadn’t missed anyone who might catch me relieving myself. I was in a convertible, after all. But I didn’t notice anyone, so I went ahead and undid the drawstring on the grey jogging shorts I’d decided towear for the long drive and edged down the waistband to free my dick. Easing the bottle down between my legs, I nestled the tip of my cock into its rim and tried to relax myself.
Sweeeeeehhhh Swooooooohhhh!
The sound shattered my concentration. I snatched my waistband back up immediately and turned toward the source of the shrieking noise. And there was Earl, stretched across the cab of his truck, whistling at me. When our eyes met, he blew me a quick little kiss…
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